Funeral Homes Do Email Marketing. So can you.

Welcome to Hills I’ll Die On, my audacious corner of the internet where adult novelty industry hot takes meet years of pent-up client rage. 🔥

This blog series is inspired by real conversations with clients and industry peers. These topics are the questions, pushback, and misconceptions that just won't die, no matter how many times I scream into the void. Or a Google doc. 

This inaugural edition tackles email marketing for adult novelty brands. And by "tackles," I mean I’m going to dissect one big misconception, then hit you with four reasons why email deserves a spot in your content marketing strategy this year.

Gloves off. Let's begin.

Why should adult novelty & sexual wellness brands use email marketing in 2026?

It took a literal pandemic to drag half this industry onto Zoom - and even then, it was like pulling teeth without anesthesia. (Looking at you, retailers who still fax POs to vendors. 😘)  

What happens when your audience either drops social media (it's already happening), or your platform is compromised somehow? It's gonna be like the Zoom/Covid calamity all over again. 

Email marketing is the most direct line to your community, and if you’re not using it, someone else is. 

Listen to me.

Fucking funeral homes utilize email marketing. 

Many funeral homes, of all people, offer this drip email series called "Grief Steps," a full year of support emails delivered automatically after someone signs up on their website. It’s a prime example of a traditionally old-school, human-centered and sensitive industry using email to support people over time.

If an industry built around long‑term care and emotional depth can rely on email as a communication channel, then adult novelty and wellness brands (who have far less sensitive relationships to nurture) can, too. 

Do email pop-ups actually annoy customers… or just business owners?

I had a client who was vehement about not wanting any email pop ups on their website. I get it. I am not a sales-y person, and many sales tactics make me feel gross, so I get the hesitation. 

I asked, "when you're browsing a website and an email pop-up is triggered, do you get pissed and leave the website immediately?"

They said, "..Oh. Well...Um, no."

"Right. You disregard and keep scrolling. Or you subscribe if you like the brand. Not giving your potential customers the option to connect with you via email is a disservice to them. You don't need to make the choice for them. Offer the option to subscribe to your newsletters. If they don’t, no love lost. If they do, you open the door to a direct line they actually chose."

Think about your own habits here. You’re a consumer too. Email pop-ups aren’t a dealbreaker, but it’s funny how fast our perspective shifts the second we’re the ones selling.

But back to the part about feeling gross. It’s not email’s fault. It's lazy sales tactics. This is when your unique voice and storytelling get to shine.

Do it different. Say good shit. Offer unexpected value. 

How can email marketing boost revenue without extra work?

Reason #1: Let’s say you’re a sexual wellness brand. Maybe you manufacture lube or sell toys through your own e-com store. Maybe you already have a small group of email subscribers. You notice that the one or two emails you slapped together generated a few sales, but you haven't been consistent. Here's the thing: nurturing what’s already there and leaning into *what’s already proven to convert* means you’re intentionally optimizing for revenue and ease without reinventing the wheel. 

Reason #2: Email is one of the few marketing channels that can be automated, evergreen, and still feel personal. Which is ideal if your current reality is juggling 1,000 things and never having time to create fresh content every week.

Reason #3: If your business has been around a while, you probably have an archive of blog content, product education, FAQ copy, or social posts you can repurpose into newsletters, email flows, or even free digital downloads to grow your list. There’s likely significant value already sitting on your website and social channels. It just needs a system behind it.

Reason #4: Unlike social media, you own your email list. It’s not a rented channel. And email reaches people who chose to hear from you. You're not broadcasting, you’re connecting with warm leads who already trust your brand and opted in to your world. Get up in that inbox with some surprise-and-delight shit.

If you’re still on the fence, congrats on making things harder than they need to be. 🤓 If this made you squirm a little, good. That means it matters. 💯

I promise I won’t freak out about SMS marketing until 2027.